


I Miss Her

by safety_dancer



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Gen, and it's angst, first work in this fandom!, im sorry, she/her pronouns for pidge
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-01
Updated: 2016-08-01
Packaged: 2018-07-28 16:31:53
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,501
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7648351
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/safety_dancer/pseuds/safety_dancer
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>I regret everything and nothing. I'm sorry.</p>
    </blockquote>





	I Miss Her

**Author's Note:**

> I regret everything and nothing. I'm sorry.

“Pass me that screwdriver over there,” Pidge commanded as soon as Shiro walked into the room. She held out her hand expectantly, though she kept her eyes on the project she was working on. Shiro handed her the tool before crouching down beside her, watching her tinker.

“Pidge, you realize it's around two in the morning, right?” Shiro canted his head, cocking an eyebrow and smiling softly. “And you have training in the morning.”

Pidge snorted, “I'll sleep when I'm done.”

“And when do you think that'll be?”

Instead of giving a proper answer, Pidge frowned down at the screwdriver she held before setting it aside. “Pass me one with a smaller tip.”

“Pidge…” Shiro sighed in exasperation, but still reached over to rummage through the toolbag, finding and pulling out another, smaller screwdriver.

“I'll be fine,” Pidge waved away his concern, and with the correct tool in hand, she bent back over her project, her face scrunching up in total concentration, her tongue peeking out from between her lips.

Shiro probably would have chuckled and relented, or have rolled his eyes and tried again to get her to bed, but suddenly he was being taken back in time; back to the Galra prison cells; back to the worst year of his life.

_“-she was staring at it intently, and it's funny, because whenever she focuses on something like that, she'll stick out her tongue.” Matt Holt snickers, grinning over at Shiro from where he lies on the floor. His eyes are warm as he talks about his baby sister, and Shiro is glad to see the smile on his friend's face. “She always denies it, though,” Matt continues, “‘That's weird. I don't do that’, she says. Okay, Katie. Whatever you say.”_

_Shiro laughs along with Matt, soaking up this happy little moment, hoping it would last._

_“When we get out of here, I'll introduce you to her,” Matt promises, “You’ll love her almost as much as I do.” He turned to stare up at the ceiling, and when he speaks again, his voice is barely above a whisper, and holds an infinite amount of sadness_ . _“I miss her.”_

“-okay, Shiro?”

Shiro snapped back to the present, blinking and shaking his head, shoving the memories away. Pidge had set down her tools and was now kneeling in front of him, frowning in concern.

“Hey, what's wrong?” She asked, probably not for the first time. “You totally blanked out on me.”

Shiro just shook his head and tried for a reassuring smile, but could tell by the pursing of Pidge’s lips that she wasn't buying it. “I'm just tired, is all,” he said, hoping she would drop it. Pidge squinted at him for a moment, her eyes searching, but then she shrugs and quietly mutters _fine_ before turning away.

Shiro lets himself relax slightly, his shoulders drooping minutely, relieved that he wouldn't have to explain to Pidge what he had just remembered. He stood, bending over to quickly ruffle Pidge’s hair (earning a squawk of annoyance) before heading for the door. “I'm going to bed,” he told her as the door slid open with a hiss, “And you should be, too.”

“Yeah yeah, five more minutes.” Pidge waved her hand dismissively, and this time Shiro _did_ roll his eyes.

•○●○•

Shiro laid down in his bed, squeezing his eyes closed. His metal arm felt weird and heavy and uncomfortable.

_I miss her._

With a growl, Shiro sat up, running his human hand through his hair, tugging at the strands in agitation. He blew out a breath, wishing he could just _forget_.

_I miss her._

He was so tired, but sleeping meant dreaming, and he wasn't sure he could handle that right now. His dreams were always the same; Galra prisons lit in an ugly purple; the terrified and pained faces of his friends; the fight in which he lost his arm, played over and over until he woke up in a cold sweat, with phantom pains shooting up and down his right arm.

_I miss her._

“I'm sorry I couldn't get you out, Matt,” Shiro whispered, cradling his head in his hands. His eyes prickled with unshed tears of anger, at himself and at the world. “I'm so sorry.”

•○●○•

The team was taking a short, well-earned break. Allura had touched the castle-ship down on an uninhabited, quiet planet. While she and Coran made any necessary repairs and checked on the ship's systems, the paladins decided to explore the planet. Lance and Keith had immediately disappeared, leaving only echoes of shouted insults in their wake. Hunk had waved at Shiro before ambling off on his own, looking peaceful. Pidge also had run off, yelling something about a waterfall she had spotted as they landed. Shiro decided to follow the youngest of their group, and he easily caught up to her as she had gotten distracted by the planet's plant life.

“ _Shiro_ , look at these!” Pidge gushed excitedly, squatting down to examine a cluster of tiny flowers, marveling at their iridescent petals. She brought up her wrist monitor, scanning the plants and logging the information into a holographic notebook filled with other data she found fascinating.

Once finished, she grinned up at Shiro, her golden eyes sparkling. “Everything on this planet seems to _glow_ ,” She said in awe. “It's incredible! I wonder if it's something in the atmosphere? Maybe it has something to do with the gas coming from all the pores in the ground. I tried to figure out what it was, but it's not anything from the periodic table--which, different _galaxy_ , different _planet_ , so _duh!--_ so I'll have to wait and ask Coran when we get back to the castle. Oh!”

Shiro watched Pidge run a short distance away, something else having caught her attention. Her chatter was endless; her energy was high as she darted from one new sight to another. She was still talking, failing to realize that she was no longer close enough for Shiro to hear her.

 _“She's never still,”_ Shiro remembers Matt saying. It was just after another one of Shiro’s fights. He was exhausted and his muscles screamed at him in pain. He was lying on the cold ground back in his cell, trying to ignore how much he _hurt_ all over when Matt spoke, his voice soft.

_“Katie?” Shiro asked, keeping his eyes closed. He couldn't even turn his head to look over at his friend. Matt nodded, coming over to sit beside Shiro. He leaned against the wall, drawing his legs up to his chest and wrapping his arms around them._

_“She always has to be moving,” Matt continued, his eyes glazing over as he thought about his sister, a bitter smile coming to his face. “And if her body is still, then her_ mouth _is moving. She talks a mile a minute.” He laughed quietly but it sounded strangled, and his next words were accompanied by a choked sob. “She's- she's always got some kind of new information she's bursting to share. Her room is filled with notebooks where she puts down all her findings and data and thoughts.”_

_“Hey,” Shiro said, ignoring the pain in his body to sit up and thread an arm around Matt’s trembling shoulders. “You're gonna see her again, okay? I promise you. I'm going to get us out.”_

_“I believe you,” Matt whispered back, “I believe you.”_

“Hey, Shiro!” Pidge called, gaining Shiro’s attention. “Do you think it'd be okay if I took some samples back to the ship?” She looked up at him pleadingly, carrying an assortment of plants and little cups of what looked like dirt, except for the fact that it glowed.

“Sure.”

“ _Sweet,_ ” Pidge grinned excitedly, already walking back towards the castle. “I'm going to start running tests immediately! Hurry up, Shiro!”

Shiro watched her retreating back, a bittersweet, crooked smile tugging at his lips. “I'm coming, Pidge.”

•○●○•

“There you are,” Shiro sighed, coming over to sit beside Pidge. They were both quiet as they watched the planet's three, red suns set.

“Did he talk about me?” Pidge asked suddenly, breaking the silence with her whispered but urgent question.

Shiro glanced at her, but she kept her gaze on the horizon, her face pinched into a pained frown. “Yes, he did,” Shiro replied finally.

Pidge didn't respond, waiting for Shiro to continue.

He looked forward again, gathering his thoughts before he spoke again, his voice gentle and sad, “He talked about you a lot, really. He would talk about your funny habits, your quirks, the things you liked and didn't like. He talked about how he would introduce me to you, about how I would love you _almost_ as much as he does.” He stopped there, his throat tight. When he looked again at Pidge, she was curled in on herself, her small frame shaking with silent sobs.

“I miss him,” She croaked.

_I miss her._

“I know, Pidge,” Shiro leaned over and tugged her close, tucking her against his side, “I know.”

**Author's Note:**

> THANK YOU TO ABBY MY WONDERFUL BETA ILY ABBY
> 
> Also comments/constructive criticism/kudos are definitely welcome. This is my first Voltron fic so I'd love some feedback! 
> 
> (also come talk to me about my lil greenbean Pidge @ my tumblr: safety-dancer)


End file.
